By Daniris Espinal (New York, NY)
Trigger warnings: murder, domestic violence
In March 2020, a close friend of mine was tragically murdered by her husband, who had been her abuser. She was an exceptionally compassionate individual, having recently donated a kidney to her daughter who was seriously ill. The loss of my friend profoundly impacted me, compelling me to safeguard myself and my daughters, especially as I had also come to understand that I was trauma-bonded in an abusive relationship. A trauma bond is an unhealthy emotional connection that forms between an individual and their abuser. This bond can make it difficult for the person to leave or break free from the harmful relationship.
Domestic violence is a topic that is often misunderstood, and many people are unsure about what to do if they become aware of it. In the United States, one in three women and one in four men have been victims of domestic violence. Creating a safety plan is crucial for escaping an abuser and finding safe housing, but that can be difficult, especially when one feels so bonded to their abuser.
When individuals enter marriage, they often expect their spouse to provide care and support, not betrayal. But just three months after the birth of our daughter, my spouse walked out on us. This abandonment was the culmination of a pattern of controlling behavior that had restricted my social interactions and employment. My ex-husband had expressed his duty as a husband to provide. With this assurance, I left the workforce and looked forward to being a stay-at-home mother. Following his departure, however, I rapidly discovered that he had neglected to pay our rent and the car payments for a vehicle I had leased in my name. As a result, my car was repossessed, which had a significant impact on my credit. At the same time, I was dealing with eviction and going through legal proceedings for full custody of our child. The abuse I endured had devastating effects on my financial stability and sense of identity.
The prospect of seeking refuge in a shelter, which is often the primary option for individuals confronting eviction or escaping abusive relationships, filled me with dread. I was determined to stay in the apartment as long as I could, ensuring my children a stable, loving home despite the uncertainty and chaos I felt. This overwhelming range of emotions propelled me into survival mode. I relied on the soft skills I had developed through my years of education and professional experiences. Adopting my project management mindset, I found ways to buy time in our unit while seeking housing resources.
When I learned about New Destiny, the only organization in New York City that is 100% focused on permanent housing solutions for domestic violence survivors, I decided to inquire about whether they could assist me with my situation. During the call, I was referred to a new federal initiative, the Emergency Housing Voucher (EHV), which could aid survivors of abuse, like me, in securing and affording housing. After applying, I successfully obtained a voucher and was assigned a New Destiny Housing Navigator to facilitate my search for a suitable apartment for my family.
My Housing Navigator, Tameka, exhibited exceptional dedication throughout our interactions. Her kindness and empathy were evident in every conversation, and her extensive knowledge of the New York City housing market significantly simplified my experience. Whenever I expressed reservations about a potential apartment, she consistently reassured me that other options could be explored. I emphasized my preference for a neighborhood with quality educational institutions for my children, and she diligently worked to identify appropriate housing in those areas.
Tameka also encouraged me to broaden my search when looking for units in unfamiliar neighborhoods. When a promising unit became available, she advised, “You have an opportunity. I understand your hesitance to move to a new borough, but the time to act is now.” I heeded her guidance and am profoundly grateful that I did.
Upon moving into our new apartment, I felt as though a new chapter in my life had begun. I was able to settle in and grieve. Operating in constant fight-or-flight had taken a toll on my nervous system but securing a safe and stable home provided me with the opportunity to heal and formulate a clearer vision for my future. This new stability also gave me the courage to reintroduce myself to the world as a survivor and advocate. It also allowed me to reconstruct my identity as a Muslim woman and deepen my faith.
The support I received through the EHV program and New Destiny was instrumental in making this transformation possible. The voucher program provided aftercare services that helped me get back on my feet, including support from a trauma-informed caseworker who was essential in guiding me through the process. My eldest daughter is now thriving in college, while my youngest is in Pre-K. I was able to leave my abuser because of this program. I am grateful to be alive.
Nevertheless, I remain concerned that additional challenges may arise, as the EHV program is currently under threat. The funding allocated for the program was intended to last ten years; however, due to the sharp increase in rental prices nationwide, the funds are being depleted more rapidly than anticipated. I represent one of over 59,000 individuals across the country, including many survivors, who depend on an EHV to maintain stable housing. If the program runs out of money, many of us will be denied the resource that has given us stability, safety, and hope for a better future.
It is imperative to prevent such outcomes. Our elected officials, on both sides of the aisle, must collaborate to ensure continued funding of the EHV program and all other housing initiatives nationwide. My EHV, along with the aftercare services New Destiny was able to provide, was essential for my healing and the healing of thousands of others like me.
Tenants across the United States rely on government funding to maintain safe and stable housing. The country is already grappling with a substantial crisis in housing stability, and addressing this issue is crucial. Stable housing can save lives—it saved mine.